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Men of Deen Vision
“O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women.” (Qur’an, 4:1)
Simply stated, Deen is the law of Allah (SWT) and the submission to that law. To be a Man (or Woman) of Deen is to be one who represents the highest values and standards of Islam. You conduct your personal and professional endeavours: how you speak, how you think, how you move in the world, how you dress, and how you maintain your hygiene, all with an intent to follow the Deen of Islam. And in Islam, marriage is a fundamental aspect of completing your Deen.
Now, here’s the problem, and the reason that Men of Deen exists…
Meaning that dating, in the Western concept, is not permitted Islamically. Romance is not part of the process. For Muslims, finding your spouse is a process that, by definition, involves family, particularly in the case of a sister. So the irony is as follows, and one that I understand intimately:
For most of your life, you are told to shy away from the other gender. And then, one day, you are suddenly supposed to find a spouse. A person from the other gender with whom you will spend the rest of your life. That’s quite a reversal!
If you’re one of the lucky ones, you have someone in your life who is able to guide you through this process, with emotional intelligence and strong Deen. But this is, unfortunately, not the experience for many.
So here we are, many Muslims are now alone in their struggle, forced to single-handedly search for their spouse on dating sites and dating apps.
The format of dating apps does not support Muslim values and encourages bad behavior on both sides. What often results is emotional trauma, scams, fake profiles, visa seekers and sexual predators.
Although some might be successful in finding their spouse online, this is not the case for most of us. These dating apps and websites, generally, “collect” women and use their images to attract men. This is a recipe for disaster from its very design, and often attracts the bottom half of the lowest quality men.
The western dating experience is missing a fundamental and wonderfully helpful component of the Muslim matchmaking process… the Wali. The Wali, typically the father of the sister or other male (paternal) relative, is your guide who negotiates the search and courting process for you. The Wali is responsible for the emotional and physical protection of both parties, and of the female in particular, ensuring that all communication remains above board, responsible and Halal. A Wali ensures neither party becomes inappropriately emotionally involved or entangled prior to the decision to marry.
Adherence to Islamic standards and rules for evaluating and finding a spouse requires knowledge and guidance. And not just for one party; for both parties. Marriage is, beyond all else, a contract, and one should not enter into a contract without a clear understanding of process, criteria, expectations, rights and responsibilities (including rules around severing that contract via divorce). Both parties must not only be seeking an ideal spouse, but they must also learn how to be an ideal spouse. Marriage is a partnership, after all.
Everyone seems to have this romantic notion about finding your spouse that “It will just happen.” Well, the data is in, and marriage is not “just happening” for Muslims. The average marriage age among Muslims has quietly and steadily reached its highest level in history. And so has the divorce rate. This translates into fewer children, and more children without a father in the home. Weaker Muslim families means a weaker Ummah.
The mission of Men of Deen is to be your virtual Wali through the matchmaking process, to educate and guide you before, during and after the marriage process, and to help you be more active and goal-oriented in finding your spouse.
